What's in a title?

So I went to the book store with a good friend of mine, and we were deeply amused by a number of titles of books as we walked around, most notably the first on this list. I mean really, can you read that with a straight face?? So, I went and looked at the New York Times Bestseller List to see what other fun titles are floating about out there. Here is a short list, and some thoughts to go with them. Authors names have been excluded to protect them, and piss them off.

LIVING IN GOD'S LOVE - Does it pool up on the floor? Can I just roll about in it? I hope there's no strange odor...

100 PEOPLE WHO ARE SCREWING UP AMERICA - Only 100??? A shame that the author excluded himself....

CONFESSIONS OF A VIDEO VIXEN - This one is too easy. So to speak.

ON BULLSHIT - I have this book, I started to read it, but it was, well....

AMERICA (THE BOOK) - "FUCK YEAH!!"

LANCE ARMSTRONG'S WAR - Is HE the one fighting this thing?!? I knew he was fucking up to something.

THREE NIGHTS IN AUGUST - Hey, what happens in Vegas STAYS in Vegas, damn-it!!

ROOM FULL OF MIRRORS - My roommate's memoir, please pick up a copy, we need to pay rent.

ASSASSINATION VACATION - And you thought your trip to Hawai'i was exciting!

YOU: THE OWNER'S MANUAL - Hell yes, FINALLY! This thing had better tell me about this rash...

NATURAL CURES "THEY" DON'T WANT YOU TO KNOW ABOUT - You actually just have to check this dude out, he even went on the Tammy Faye Show to promote this book. Unfortunately "THEY" are the little voices in his head, and that gout you have won't be cured by smoking basil through your ass while whistling God Save the Queen, sorry!!

YOUR BEST LIFE NOW - "I don't think about the past, Darling, it distracts from the now."

HE'S JUST NOT THAT INTO YOU - Well shit.

FRENCH WOMEN DON'T GET FAT - They are demons, obviously. This book is a book about demons.

HOW FULL IS YOUR BUCKET? Wasn't this a song by Sir Mix-A-Lot?? Or maybe it was MC Hammer... I can never remember....

JIM CRAMER'S REAL MONEY - As opposed to PHYLLIS STEPHENSEN'S FAKE MONEY which is BOOOORING!!

THE PERRICONE PROMISE, by Nicholas Perricone - This title beckons to me, like sirens at sea or like chocolate cake at midnight. WHAT IS HE PROMISING?!?! and will my laundry be clean when he's done??

EGYPTOLOGY - This is a children's book, actually. When asked "what's this book called?" most parents sadly respond in broken syllables "e-gip-to-LO-gee", and put it back down. AMAZING that it's made it to the NY Times Bestseller list!

LEONARDO THE TERRIBLE MONSTER - Hey, I hated him in Titanic too, but this is just rude!!

FAIRY DUST AND THE QUEST FOR THE EGG - A touching story about 2 gay men and a lesbian. You can fill in the rest.

WHAT'S THE MATTER WITH KANSAS? - If you need this one answered....

RUNNING WITH SCISSORS - A witty, amusing, and yet touching title, by Augusten Burroughs, who is hot. If you are reading this, call me, there's more flattery where that came from.

THE POLITICALLY INCORRECT GUIDE TO ISLAM - I do believe a 12 year old could write this one.

THE UNITED STATES OF WAL-MART - This just makes me cry...

BETWEEN A ROCK & A HARD PLACE - Gay porn on the NY Times Bestseller list?!? We HAVE arrived!!!

WHY DO MEN HAVE NIPPLES? - Come here, I'll show you.

RICH DAD, POOR DAD - The sequel to "Jennifer has Two Daddies". The title "My Daddy has a Boy Toy" was passed over, as was "Sugar Daddy's Boy... and Daughter!!"

WHAT TO EXPECT WHEN YOU'RE EXPECTING - As a gay man, I'm confused.... I expect a lot of things, do they mean my next drink? my next trick? this title is far to vague for my tastes....

THE PILL BOOK - a MUST HAVE!