Ho-Ho-Ho

As is prone to happen to me, I had a random thought the other day. As is also prone to me, I'm now going to expound on that random thought, despite the fact that there are perhaps better things to do with my time. The thought was this;

Who is this Santa Claus guy anyway?

I was in the grocery store when the thought hit me, assaulted even there on every direction by candycane striped objects, pervasive holiday music, and reindeer shaped turkey loafs. And of course Santa, in every guise imaginable and on the covers of magazines, bags of candy, and half life-sized cardboard cut outs. Just let it be known, my gayness does not approve of the last item as a decorative accessory, please do not buy them.

Finding the history of the venerable Mr. Claus is easy enough, just go here. My concern was more a philosophical one, with an emphasis on Concern.

It has been suggested that Santa is in fact omniscient. He knows things he should not be able to know. He was not there when you were nice or when you were naughty, or in those cases when you were both nice AND naughty at the same time (the doors were locked, the bedroom door was closed, and the lights were on, I'm pretty sure there was no one else in the room, and the video camera does not count.) How does he KNOW about your niceness or naughtiness? Omniscience is the only answer as to how he could know these things. This worries me, as I'm not so keen on people spying on me, especially fat old white men, who as a group have a history of making bad judgments with such information. But, his knowledge seems to have limitations. He only seems to have knowledge of some vague moral judgment about your behavior, it is not even clear that he knows what you DID to be nice or naughty. It also doesn't seem to include knowledge about non nice/naughty things, like the name of the book I am currently reading or what I had for dinner last night, unless I had Leg of Neighbor, which I think would go in the naughty category.

So, omniscient, no. A bit overly judgmental? It would seem so, yes.

The word omniscient always brings to mind the word omnipotent, which always brings to my mind the word impotent, and I find the thought of an omnipotent impotent Santa amusing, and I giggle.

But I digress.

Is he omnipotent? Hardly. He makes toys and flies them around to everyone in the world in one night. Impressive, without a doubt, but hardly all powerful. If he was omnipotent I don't think he'd bother with all the sleigh and reindeer crap, he could just will the presents to appear at your house without all the fuss of strapping the unruly creatures in or dealing with that drunk, Rudolph (perpetually red nose. Case closed). Speaking of Rudolph, an omnipotent Santa would hardly have had to worry so much about the damn fog.

To get even heavier, is Santa some fourth incarnation of God? God, Jesus, the Holy Ghost.... and Santa? He seems to be related to the others in his supposed spirit of giving and by calendar date. He seems to add a new festive element to them all, his addition to the Trinity could be a welcome one to the otherwise stogdy and musty old world three-some. Would that make it a Quadrinity? Dictionary.com says it would be "Quaternity", which I don't like nearly as much as either Quadrinity or Trinity, so I think we should abandon the God-As-Four-Guys theory. Plus the obvious animosity between Jesus and Santa shown to exist in numerous episodes of South Park is evidence enough for me of their mutually shared and understandable hatred for one another.

Santa. S-A-N-T-A. Take the T and switch it with the N. Now switch the last A with the N. S-A-T-A-N. Hmmm, there may be something here. Is Santa in fact just an anagram for the Dark Lord himself? Is he really just here to subvert the minds of our beloved children, turning them all to a life of evil sin? Greed perhaps? Gluttony maybe? Are the trampling of people in the aisles of Wall Mart and Target all part of his evil plan to spread his nefarious ways amongst us? While I find conspiracy theories entertaining for a short while, I bore of them quickly. They usually smack of a cop-out, and the idea of Satan is the biggest cop-out of them all. So let the idea of Santa-as-Satan go the way of the government Black Helicopters and the De Vinci Code, and let's move on to better things.

Maybe Santa is a hot daddy bear, or more accurately a hot daddy polar bear. This thought would make many a man I know weak in the knees, but not so much for me. I like them a little younger and a little trimmer. I have no need for a gym-god body, but he just looks unhealthy. But, he seems to keep truckin' along though, without fear of heart attack or stroke, so I guess it's working for him. And there's that whole Mrs. Claus thing.... maybe she's just a beard, but I doubt it. Then again, maybe he has a thing for short guys... that would explain the elves... Bah, whatever, or whoever, he does in his spare time is no concern of mine. Just as long as he stays away from the Reindeer, that's just kind of gross.

Is Santa a figment of our imaginations? And here I had to pause, half way across the parking structure, grocery bags in hand. Could it be that Santa is in fact only a farcical tale about a fat man in a red suit here to reward or punish my behavior by some system of ambiguous moral evaluation? Could it be that he is but a tool to make me spend more money on things that people don't need and on items that will go out of style at 12:01 A.M on Dec. 26th? Could it all just be a ploy to socialize me and everyone else in the world into a Judeo-Christian Capitalistic Consumer Frenzied Automaton? Do I really want to be this bitter and jaded at 27 years old??

Bitter and jaded is bad, I don't care to be those things. So Santa can be who ever the hell he wants, or what other people want him to be, I just love having a time of year to give stuff to the people I love, stuff of my choosing or making (Santa's not the only one with a workshop damnit!), and all the crassness and ridiculousness of this holiday season can just be an annoying buzz in the background, like a mosquito in the other room.

So Happy Holidays!! (fuck you Bill O-Reilly, you ain't getting a Chrissymas greeting out of me, I intend to include ALL people this season!), I hope you all get everything you want and desire this year. Ho Ho Ho!

Human Reality of Homosexuality

So a tragedy of epic proportions was leveled at the Seattle gay community today. On this, the 9th of December, the movie "Brokeback Mountain" DID NOT OPEN here. It seems that it has only opened in New York and L.A., those cities of decadence who just get everything. There will be no viewing of Jake-on-Heath lovin' for this homo or any others in this city. We will have to wait for yet another agonizing week for our chance to witness the greatness, and the hotness, of this movie. For some, the wait may just be too much....

Ok, so that's all overly dramatic, but I'm gay and I spend too much time with drag queens, it can't be helped sometimes. But I am a bit pissed. This movie is generating all sorts of Oscar buzz, and it's only getting a limited release. And I want to see it. Don't they know that I want to see it?!? But I will rant no more on that topic, something else has got me riled up.

I play a particular game online. It will remain nameless, it's identity is inconsequential. Suffice to say that on said game there is a "gay guild" and there is constant gay banter floating up the screen as you play this game. I voiced my displeasure about the movie not opening here this morning and was more than a little surprised by the response.

Some commiserated and wanted to see it too, but could not since it was not opening in their locations either. We joked about whether Jake was hotter or Heath, and all was good. Then the comment was made that an interview given by Heath Ledger was seen where he said that having to kiss another man nearly made him puke. I have not substantiated this as fact or fiction, yet, and it is ultimately beside the point. When I stated that I found that degrading and insulting to gays I was shocked by the response. People came out of the woodwork to defend Heath's statement. Comments such as "Well it would nearly make me puke to have to kiss a woman like that!!" or "He's just an actor!! If he has to say that to prove his masculinity that's ok!!" or "It's ok if you don't like homosexuals, it's your right to have your opinion and to state that opinion".

Now all of those comments I would expect from any number of right wing groups (just exchange "woman" for "man" in the first one), but coming from a big group of homos I was disturbed. Especially by the last statement. If it's my opinion that kissing a black person or a Jew makes me want to puke, few people would jump to my defense, unless there are KKK members floating around at the time. To actually have gays defend a comment like that is horrifying, and goes to show us all the pervasive quality of anti-homosexual rhetoric and thought. It even makes US think we don't deserve respect.

I got into a small argument with my mother a few weeks ago. She off-handedly said that seeing two men kiss made her feel uncomfortable. She claims to not have a problem with my being gay, or anyone being gay, so I was surprised by that statement. I told her I was surprised, and asked why she still had a problem with gays. She said she didn't have any problem, it just made her uncomfortable. "If you don't have any problem with gays," I replied, "you wouldn't mind seeing them kiss." She got upset, but we ended up having a very good conversation about the entire topic.

The fact is that I can see exactly where she's coming from. It was a shock to her life when I came out to her, she had never known a gay person in her life and had never had to deal with the prejudice that had seeped into her through osmosis by just living in this world. She has done a wonderful job of accepting and even embracing me and the whole notion of homos, but this thing still lingered. That it lingered is one thing, it proves how insidious these feelings are. That she tried to claim it was ok and in step with her acceptance of me and gays in general is another.

We rationalize away our prejudices more often than we know. We don't even realize what we're doing until confronted with the fact, and even then it is sometimes not enough. Opinions are the right of every person, certainly, but that doesn't mean that your opinion are RIGHT. For Heath Ledger to say (allegedly, and I hope he didn't because I want to like him) on a mass media circuit that kissing another man nearly made him puke is not going to be helpful to a group of people fighting for acceptance. To think it has no negative effect is naive, and to claim that "making this movie was a huge step, he can say what he wants!" is irresponsible. To have those comments coming from the very group of people it would be harming is terrifying.

I heard a great comment on the radio from the lawyer for Jim West, Spokane's recently recalled gay mayor (another story all together). He said the people out for West's blood were people who could not accept this "human reality of homosexuality". While this begs all sorts of statements about West's situation and West himself, I think that statement is the best summation of the issue I have ever heard.

The reality is that we're not going anywhere, we're not deviants, we deserve respect, we shouldn't make people want to puke, , we should be able to live and love without prejudice we should not have to have this discussion at all. And we especially shouldn't have to have this discussion with ourselves.

Added note: Here is a statment by Jake Gyllenhaal. "I’ve never really been attracted to men sexually, but I don’t think I would be afraid of it if it happened.” Now THAT'S a statment I can get behind! So to speak....

Snow!

For any of you that have not received a text message, phone call, or e-mail from me to alert you to this fact, it's snowing in Seattle. This seems to me to be poof that something big is about to happen Something like Lions and Sheep learning to love one another, Gays suddenly being urged by the Religious Right to marry, or Dubya learning to speak English and then actually saying something intelligent. It is a sign.

Hell has Frozen Over. Something big is about to happen. Wait by your phones.