"Maiu"

One day, a number of years ago, I think nearly 20 of them, I happen to mention something about evolution on the bus trip home from school. As I was in the company of my zealously religious friend Jerry, an argument ensued. At all of 9 or 10 years old, he already had the fully formed indignation of the Fundamentalist Right when it came to such matters as "evolution" (his quotes), so within a few short moments he was leaning over the bus seat with his fist cocked back, ready to ram it into my godless face, all in the loving name of Jesus. He was yelling at the time "I did not come from apes!!!!", which I found deeply ironic in the face of his behavior, which seemed proof enough that he was more closely related to a sulky African Silver-Back than he obviously thought.

Certainly we all like to think of ourselves as "human", as something opposed to "animal", but in the end this is really only our egos talking; we're animal, through and through, there's no escaping that fact.

But here's the question; what animal are we?

We're most closely related to chimps and apes, this we've all known for some time. I suspect even the religious types know this deep down, which would explain their constant anger over the subject. Kind of like how some of them are so stubbornly anti-gay, even while they're busy buying meth from gay prostitutes before having chem-fueled sodomy sessions with said prostitutes. Allegedly. Biologically our monkey friends are certainly our closest relatives on the planet, but there seems to be something else going on as well.

I think perhaps all people all tied, maybe from some previous life or something, to different animals, plants, bacteria or fungi, and those past incarnations manifest themselves in people in their human forms.

It's hardly a scientific theory, it would do little good to go looking for concrete proof, and in the end I doubt that that matters. Kind of like with astrology; it's quite ridiculous, but there seems to be something to it. Take it or leave it, I find it fun and interesting.

Next time you're people-watching, take a close look your fellow humans walk by. What animal do they remind you of? We've all seen portraits of people who look almost exactly like their dogs, and vice-versa, it's kind of like that. Only open it up to the entire spectrum of Earthly life, not just the K-9 variety. You may be shocked by what you see.

There are dog people (as the pictures have proven), the occasional hamster, fish are prevalent (I try to be all accepting, but I'm not proud to say fish people frankly give me the creeps...), reptiles here and there, the occasional plant (they're not called wall flowers for nothing) and even undulating, barely conscious amoeba-esk types. You can see it in the shapes of faces, eyes speak quite loudly of animal pasts, the way one moves, the set of the brow and jaw. Some crawl along like the proverbial karmicly-punished slug. Others have a distinct simian bend; further proof that some of us are still more monkey than man.

This line of thought certainly begs the question, "What animal am I?" I am subject to the same laws of this little game as all the others, what creature do I strike myself to have been? Oh, and if any who know me would like to weigh in on this, feel free, I'd be curious hehe :)

Speaking of curiosity, I think I'm mostly cat. I've thought this for a long time, and it's frankly only becoming more apparent as I get older. I've had an odd bond with cats all my life, with the distinct desire to have my belly scratched and my head petted. I'm a bit nervous, though I try my very best to play it cool when in front of the crowd. While I have never been caught licking my own ass in mixed company, I have been known to put my foot deeply in my mouth, completely without realizing it, and am surprised, a bit skittish, and not a little indignant when someone throws a shoe at me for it. I will rub up against you if you're nice to me and if I like you, and I prefer to keep myself well groomed, though every cat has the occasional day or two of mange.

The event that has prompted this little foray into animal land is the fact that I'm in Berlin right now. Something else I recently learned about cats is that they hate it when you move furniture in their living space. The become a bit disturbed when you go shifting things out of their place, forcing them to have to figure out where stuff is again. Cats are wildly in-tuned (one could say obsessed, but that one would not be me; I owe that much to my brethren) to their surroundings, and changes throw them off balance, another trait cats possess in abundance.

But the worst stress in a cats life is when you make them move; EVERYTHING is different suddenly, and they become neurotic messes. If you've ever taken a cat into a new space, the first thing they do is explore the room, in Extreme-Caution-Mode, eyes wide, nose twitching, ready to spring out of the way of any new danger or rogue foot stool. First and foremost they must find out where everything is, where the paths of escape are, where the warm and comfortable spots to curl up are, where the entrances and exits are, where the food resides. Stress a cat out enough, either by moving things or by moving them, and they start peeing on stuff. They're pissed, so to speak.

While I have managed through the years to control my deep need to pee on things when I'm under this kind of stress, I have come to believe that I precede pretty much like any other cat would when stuff in my house gets moved around. Or, as I am currently experiencing, I get moved.

Berlin is amazing, I'm having a fantastic time, and I'm a bit skittish and my whiskers are twitching. I'm firmly in exploration mode right now, I have not actually stepped foot into a single museum, church, historical monument, or any other such tourist wonder of the world, of which there are TONS here. This most certainly is part of, as Eddie Izzard said of Europe, "the place where history comes from".

That being said, I'm not quite ready to go into any of these places just yet. I've found a few cozy places to curl up and some places that obviously need to be avoided. I've discovered what color of brick on the sidewalk denotes "bike lane; don't walk on me or old men will honk their silly bike horns at you." I've found the few places where it IS ok to pee (I'm a civilized cat, thank you), but I'm not ready to lay down just yet.

I give myself the rest of today to explore my surroundings, I've already put a multitude of miles under my paws this morning and afternoon. I'm feeling more at ease, less like I want to find a bed to hide under while I peer out at strangers' feet. I've started eating again (something else both cats and I stop doing when we're stressed), and perhaps I will socialize with some other furry animals soon. I have an affinity for others like me, though I don't mind at all crossing furry animal species lines. Just no fish please; they're for killing and eating, not conversing with.

Perhaps by the end of my week I will be completely at ease with my new surroundings and I will gladly and calmly glide from room to room, with the air of hard-fought-for easy-confidence, often mistaken for aloofness or superiority by those that don't understand the ways of the cat. In reality we just want to be scratched by cute people that we like, so we can purr and feel at home. We go through a silly amount of turmoil to get to the point of being able to relax, let our guard down and allow our purr to motor away, we like to enjoy it when we get there.

I'm close to being ready to relax. A good night's sleep and a bit to eat in the morning and I think I'll be ready to cavort with all my furry friends out there. Let's hope I can find one or two to scratch my ears :)