Truth FTW

From the annals "truth is stranger than fiction" come two stories, related and remembered earlier this morning, for your wonderment and amusement.

For Head Injury; Rinse, and Repeat

At 4am this morning, I drove my good friend David (aka Sable O'dessa) to the airport. He was flying to Tennessee to attend the wedding of his good friend Stan Stanley's sister's wedding. Before we get to the good part of the story a short note must be made about the Stanley family. The Stanley family lives on Stanley road. Stan's real name is not Stan, it's Rodney, which is his grandfather's name. His middle name (which escapes my memory) is his father's name. To avoid possible confusion, they call him Stan. Stan Stanley. On Stanley Road. To add to the fun, his sister's name is Ley. Ley Stanley. Together they are Stan and Ley Stanley. On Stanley Road. Wow...

In any case, while Sable and I were driving to the airport he began to relate a story to me. He does the wigs and make-up for the 5th Avenue Theatre here in Seattle, and as it is The Theater you get some very interesting folks working there as well. Including a woman who sometimes helps with the wigs and make-up, we will call her Debbie to protect her anonymity. Debbie, Sable told, was in a car accident awhile back, in which she suffered a head injury, leaving her comatose in the hospital for some time. When she awoke, and here's the good part, she suddenly possessed the chemical formulas for a line of, wait for it........... shampoo and conditioners. Fully formed. In her head.

After finishing laughing my ass off and nearly driving off the road, Sable continued. Lest you think that only the claim was made that she posses this knowledge and no proof was ever offered, she produces her head injury hair care line and gives it to people. In the words of Sable O'dessa "Her dandruff shampoo is fucking AMAZING, Sean!!!" Seems that our friend Jonathan has tried all dandruff shampoos on the market, both over the counter and prescription, to no avail. Three days with Head Injury Hair Care Dandruff Collision Shampoo and his flakes are gone. Never to return. After hearing that I was speechless, and I still am.

"I See Dead Rock Stars...."

When I was living in Montana, I had a friend named Sarah. She was a fabulous large redheaded woman, who had not had sex in many years (much to her displeasure) and who epitimized the idea of a "gay man trapped in a woman's body". In fact there was, quite amazingly, at least one gay man stuck in her body.....

Seems that, as we were all told one night a number of years ago, when Queen lead singer Freddie Mercury bit the dust in November of 1991, he possesed Sarah's body for about 2-3 weeks. What they did during that time together I have no idea, I was too stunned and tickled at the time to ask. Nor do I have any idea why Freddie chose her, especially since she had never heard any of Queen's songs before that, though I suspect it has something to do with Fat Bottom Girls making the Rockin' World Go Round. But AFTER the possession, she suddenly possessed knowledge of all the lyrics of all the Queen songs. Fully formed. In her head. While certainly not as useful as a kick ass dandruff shampoo and hair care line, this is still useful knowledge to have when faced with, say, a Killer Queen Karaoke Showdown, or when trying to impress a room full of raging homosexuals. We faggots eat that shit up.

So there you go, a little quarter sized dollop of truth for you today, right in the palm of your hand; lather, rinse, and repeat if necessary. Revelation does exist in the modern world it seems, let that fact never be questioned again. Time have changed though, as you can see; fire, brimstone, commandments, and Seven-Headed Beasts are out, Earth turning hair care products and dead homosexual rockers are in. I am profoundly grateful to be living in this far more fabulous later time.