"It's horrifying...."

I had an experience yesterday that I can't shake.

I was driving home from Beaver Lake, which is north of Issaquah, which is east of Seattle, where I was playing for a music contest. The Issaquah area is growing faster than any other place near here, with new housing developments going in faster than people can physically move into them. California style housing developments, where lines of "homes" take up every available inch, small patches of lawn in front and back of each complex are the only thing standing for a yard. Rows and rows of track housing stretch up side hills, clear cut and leveled off months before. I'm not a big fan of that kind of development. One time while in California, I was standing on the top of a hill looking down at these developments and had the visceral feeling that they were all scabs on the land, some sort of growth covering up healthy ground underneath. It was disturbing.

As I was trying to get back to the freeway I was told "Left to I-90 West" by a sign I had never seen before, though I'd been on that road a number of times. So I turned as it told me to, thinking, "They must have built a new on-ramp." I was in a small ravine at that point, on a wide new road that soon began to rise up into a clearing. The first thing I saw was a huge parking structure, called the "Issaquah Highlands Park and Ride." It was about five levels high and stood there, a monstrous metal and concrete box surrounded by more paved parking lots. The thought passed my mind that that seemed like overkill for this area, which seemed sparsely populated at best. I was tired, the brand new 4 lane urban highway I was on should have given away what I was about to see.

I drove up the road another 100 yards, nearing its peak, and I suddenly had an unobstructed view all around me. I was top of a small hill, surrounded by machine flattened land, land that fell off behind, in front and to the right of me, and rose up through more hills to the left. This area certainly used to be all pine trees; you could see where the clear cutting had stopped at various clumps of dense trees. Farther in the distance all around were beautiful green hills and mountains, the foothills of the Cascades.

It was as stunningly beautiful place, except that is was not. Track housing had been started up the hill to the left, all the other land was green grass covered flattened lots, prepped for building, to the right some digging had already begun. A shopping center/mini mall was already built and running, and wide roads connected everything. I soon dropped down the hill in front of me, down to the freeway and back to Seattle.

I'm sure you've all seen the third Matrix installment, “Revolutions” (if you haven't you should, it's pretty entertaining, though in no way ground breaking like the first movie). There is a scene near the end where Neo and Trinity send their hover craft flying in a steep arch up through the cloud cover, up away from the black wasteland that is Earth, and they suddenly break through the violent clouds, into the bright sunshine, where they hover at the top of their arch, Trinity whispers in awe, "it's beautiful....," before they plunge back into the black. I had the same feeling yesterday, only exactly the opposite. I rose up out of beautiful countryside, up into horrifying human sprawl, into land that was once spectacularly beautiful, but was now defiled. The curve of the road was a perfect arch, man made to resemble the path of some flying projectile. I felt like I had entered some terrible fantasy land, poked my head up above the clouds, and 30 seconds later descended back down.

From my view on top of that hill in California a number of years ago I had the feeling that if I just reached down I could scrape off the human scab that was creeping up over the land, expose the earth again which would soon heal itself. I sometimes feel that we are a plague on this earth, eating it up one acre at a time, blissfully jaunting to the local mini-mall hub in our giant SUV’s, uncaring about the destruction that we wreak as we go. It’s going to come back to bite us in the ass though I fear, sooner or later, and I won’t be able to say we don’t deserve everything we get.

Sign of the Times

In post-modern times less became more and more became less. An interesting thought, one I ascribe to whole heartedly on topics such as perfume in elevators, commuting time, bad sex and televised sports. It's all very existential and lovely, but wears on the psyche after a bit as people begin to take it too far. So today in the current-after-post-modern-pre-future-follow-up times we are definitely back to more is more and less is less, which I also support on topics such as beach time, ingenious friends, good sex, and Gross National Income. It's more linear and easier to make your case for having that extra doughnut or that extra war. It works for everybody.

Last Monday's Retail Therapy Extravaganza falls firmly under the "more is more" category, and so today I went with more. After some deeply rewarding iTunes CD shopping I again hit the lovely Bed Bath and Beyond (holy hand grenade but that place is the greatest) and then began to wander the Sub-Urban-Shopping-Hub, the S.U.S.H., also known as The Mall. The modern S.U.S.H. is also strictly following the concept of "more is more", as this one spans about four to five city blocks worth of space, has stunning architecture and every product from feather roach clips (yes they do still sell these *shudder*) to heart shaped dog beds to 72" plasma TV's. I do not care to own any of these things as they all seem a bit vulgar and in bad taste, but the books at Borders are fantastic, the port from World Market is very tasty, and the frames from Bombay are quite dapper.

My last stop was Best Buy, the best current-after-post-modern-pre-future-follow-up times place for all one's computer and electronic needs. My needs consisted of photo paper on which to print pictures for all these glorious new frames, but I like to smell the electronics a bit too. As I walked up to the door, a new VW Beetle confidently whizzed up onto the wide curb just to the left of the entry way doors, the fading daylight illuminating the shiny black and white paint job and the curiously brash orange oval on the side door emblazoned with "Geek Squad".

Out stepped one Geek, which I think hardly constitutes a Squad, but I have to assume his fellow Squadron Geeks must have arrived earlier and had taken all the parking spots. He was wearing a white polo shirt and black slacks, he had a cell phone attached to his belt and a shnazzy Blue Tooth wireless headset firmly hugging one ear. His hair was shortish brown and a bit spiky, stylish enough to look clean cut, but defiantly unkempt enough to be edgy. He was almost certainly in his mid twenties with sideburns, a chin goatee, and just a tiny bit of a belly, one that said "I write code, I don't go to the gym," but that youth was still keeping in check.

He strode to the doorway and a swagger in his step and nearly arrogant confidence. And he was quite frankly kind of hot.

I literally laughed out loud at the little "woof" that unwillingly leapt to my lips. But there he was, in all his techy glory, a hot little Geek Squad geek. I thought, "wow, the nerds have made it...", which I am somewhat happy about as I have quite a large bit of nerd in me as well. I play online video games and have been known to say "That's so cool!" about somewhat ridiculous things and with a bit too much enthusiasm. That part of me certainly identifies with geekdom.

After all the more more more of the evening, he was a refreshing sight I must say. The geeks fly in the face of the current-after-post-modern-pre-future-follow-up times. They are more for their lessness. They are less when they attempt more. They are an existential challenge to the bloated greed of today. They may own a 42" LCD screen, but they have it in their studio apartment. And the Geek Squadron drives in new Beetles, the anti-SUV. They are a harbinger of changing times I think, when cars are again going to get small, tasteful color schemes will arise and nuance will win out over blustery exaggeration.

I've been feeling for awhile now that there is a change in the air, a shifting of direction. Perhaps in that feeling I am projecting, but I took today's Hot Geek Sighting to be another sign. Times I think they are a changin', and so far the direction looks kind of hot in a headset.

Retail Therapy

So I have not been feeling well lately. No, not a cold or any such thing. Some recent events have had me down. To name a few, but only a few; a vast amount of work over the past two weeks, mostly revolving around unthankful kids and their even more unthankful parents, the fact that more work is looming without an end in sight, the Superbowl (not the fact that the Seahawks lost, but that the Superbowl EXISTS), stupid men (perhaps redundant, I know...), and to top it off earlier today I made the mistake of listening to some of the NSA wire tapping hearings. I was struck by two things very quickly; Senators are a vastly stupid group of people, and Alberto Gonzales is very smart. If only his powers were used for good and not evil....

I was, for lack of a better word, depressed. And agitated. And snippy. This lasted through my lessons with my students. I have also been bothered by what I had observed lately as the obvious and pervasive apathy that so many of my students, and other students I was working with, had for the music they were making. Where any of them actually ENJOYING they music that they were making? Where those transcendent sounds of Brahms moving any part of their souls?? I didn't feel as though they were, and so today I told them all as much. They looked at me like I was a mad man speaking some strange and silly language. This did not make me feel any better, in fact quite the contrary.

Also I have a flat tire. Well, to clarify, it is not completely flat, but that's only because I fill it back up with air every day. I have not had time to take it to get fixed, so I go to my car each day hoping it's not completely flat on the ground and it will get me to the gas station one more time. It is annoying, like only car problems can be annoying. This has not helped my mood.

So tonight it was obvious that I needed to take things into my own hands, and I did. I called my band director friend and told him I would not be attending our community band rehearsal tonight because I had a growing head ache. I did not tell him that it was an existential head ache, but I didn't figure the distinction was relevant. It was time for therapy of the highest and most American of all therapies.

I have some cash flow right now from all the work of the past few weeks. It's fucking nice. It's REALLY fucking nice, 'cause it don't happen very often. I came home and paid all my bills. I love doing this, because I sometimes cannot pay them all and it's stressful. To sit down and pay EVERY LAST ONE of them, and still look at my bank account and say "HOLY SHIT!!", in a GOOD way!, is very very nice.

My next step proved to be my crowning achievement in this self administered therapy treatment. I called my friend David, aka Sable Odessa, and made him go shopping with me. Shopping is fun period. Shopping with a drag queen is a non stop riotous jaunt of hilarity, I highly recommend picking one or two up before your next outing to Macy's. You never knew that kitchen cleaning supplies could be so tawdry or that so many scathingly witty comments could be hurled at window mannequins and their oh so tragic hair.

This is what I bought;
At Bed Bath and Beyond
1) New towels for the bathroom, one for me and one for my roommate, because I'm that nice of a guy and because it will look better if they match.
2) Picture frames to put pictures up around the house that make me happy.
3) A very large and decadent candy bar, which I savored as I walked to the Gap, spiting my diet and workout gleefully with each and every delicious bite.

At The Gap
1) Practical jeans. They were "straight fit", which seems exclusionary and I don't approve, but they fit great despite the name. False advertising if you ask me. Perhaps I will sue.
2) Hot jeans. Ones that make my ass look great. Ones that will make my ass look even better after 2 more months of working out. Ass Pants. Ass Pants ON SALE. I rest my case Mr. Gonzales.

I tried to find more to buy, but then I remembered that I'm going in tomorrow to buy two new tires for my car, thus solving the fact that it has not driven very well for the past two years with two pairs of mismatched tires on it, and that one of the tires that is about to be replaced has a leak in it (see above). At this point I felt satiated for the night knowing I would spend more the next day, and would STILL have money left in my account! Ahhhhhhhh....

But just when I thought the night couldn't get any better, it did. I hopped online to play some heroin- I mean World of Warcraft, and found that my wonderful Hawai'i boys were already online. They have had house guests and have not been around much at all, and I have missed them. We didn't get to play long, but it was enough, I still have a smile on my face and it will stay with me all through the night.

I think after getting new shoes on my car tomorrow I will look over the bank account, add up the damage, see what's left over and treat myself to a massage. That should get me through the next couple of months until my bank account has recovered, the world has become tedious once more, and another session of therapy will again be needed.

January 20th, 1961

It had snowed the night before the poet stepped slowly to the stage,
the reflection of cold sun bright white over marbled lawns.
Infant words of dedication newly written were gripped in his hands,
still unfamiliar within the voice and hardly known to the heart.
In the harsh glare of the sun and snow the words began to falter,
and the attempt was soon abandoned for more familiar and hallowed ground.
An older verse known without the need for sight now obscured
was as a gift given outright from deeper within than memory.
With ease and command won over a generation of distinction,
old words were made new again.

I listened to the recounting of that day forty five years ago,
the radio half heard as I drifted through thoughts of rain.
Implication of skill and memory beyond the superhuman suffused
the account evoking modern age heroes slaying fell beasts with words.
Brilliant qualities surely did waft through the crisp air in profusion,
but they merely masqueraded for one virtue poised far above the rest.
It was love moved his memory when old eyes could no longer see,
memory etched and exalted making beloved words fall free.
Love for words once written remembered,
love for an art a life time devoted.

Heroic is a word often cheaply bestowed today,
along with love bandied about like childrens' dispensable toys.
In reality one leads to the other, intertwined in their meaning
with depth beyond describing words, beyond poetry and song.
Perhaps we too could recite on those things that we love most dearly;
the shape of a face, the turn of a tune, the moon and luminous eyes.
All become clear again when moved by deep devotion,
or when the cool sun in our eyes makes poets of us all.

Spreading Taint

For all you spreaders of taint out there, first click here, then choose the video clip titled "Level of Taint". You will not regret it.

We are Family, focus on us.

On my way home from work tonight I heard a quick sound bite from the NPR host that disturbed me. Ken Hutcherson of Antioch Bible Church in Kirkland, WA, has announced that a nationwide boycott of Microsoft and Hewlett-Packard will begin this Thursday, in response to both company's support of a gay rights bill currently before the Washington State Legislature. As I understand it, the bill would provide job and housing protection for all sexual minorities in the state. It has also been introduced every year for the past 30 years here in Washington, and has lost every time.

For those who don't know the story, the bill was defeated last year by one vote in the State Senate, after Hutcherson threatened Microsoft with a boycott and they pulled their support for the bill. That prompted the last wavering state senator to change his vote from yes to no, and the bill was dead for another year. The outcry at Microsoft was swift and loud, not unlike the recent fiasco with Ford Motor Company, and Microsoft back peddled and said they would support the bill if it arose again. Perhaps the most telling article about this event is from the Focus on the Family website. While I hate to even link to them, the article illuminates their insanity far better than I could ever do. Read and do not throw things at your screen, it will only hurt you and not them.

So here we are again, the bill is working its way through the legislature for yet another year, and the Ken Hutchersons of the world are starting to come out of the closet. The rhetoric is not worth repeating here, and there are plenty of places to read exactly what is going on out there, but I do want to repeat one thing that Dr. Hutcherson has said. He repeatedly claims that companies like Microsoft "underestimate the power of the American Christian public", and seems quite convinced that their boycott will do enough harm to these companies that they will change their positions.

First of all, I know a lot of gays (many of them work for Microsoft) and they own TONS of Microsoft and Microsoft related products. TONS. I also know a lot of Christians, and they do not hold a cross to the consumer electronics consumption of the homos. We can't get enough of the shit, it is our crack if your not on crack. I know I certainly can't get enough. Microsoft that is, not crack. Do not read too much into that statement, dirty minded little..... And we have large disposable incomes, because we can't breed and couples command two male salaries (the lesbians do too since they're usually more man than we are). So if we're looking for one-up-manship on amarket place power basis, I think the homos and their supporters win.

But more important than this slightly silly observation is the fact that Ken is just flat wrong. We DON'T underestimate the Christian Right's power, we understand that they have gotten all sorts of crazy things done because they threaten people behind closed doors and, until recently, not many people said anything in protest. But the Ford case has proved that we gays have a strong voice too, made all the stronger by the majority of the American public who support us and are tired of the hate mongering coming out of the religious right.

Dr. Hutcherson so clearly overestimates himself and his tribe of Christian Crusaders. I am actually looking forward to him hopefully making as much noise as humanly possible, drawing as much attention to this debate as can be drawn, and watching him go down in flames as this bill finally passes. I want him to rant and rave after the fact about the moral decline of this country, about how it's going to Hell in a Tasteful Designer Clutch, and witness everyone laugh a little bit at how silly he looks and turn away and ignore him. Let him stew in his own hateful juices. Perhaps he will leave us all alone after a good, sound, and righteous defeat.

To that end, anyone who can write to Microsoft and/or Hewlett-Packard, or your State Senator here in Washington to make sure they know we have a voice too. Seeing as one Senator has already said he will reverse his no vote from last year to a yes this year, things are looking good for the passing of this bill. After 30 years it will be about time.

Ho-Ho-Ho

As is prone to happen to me, I had a random thought the other day. As is also prone to me, I'm now going to expound on that random thought, despite the fact that there are perhaps better things to do with my time. The thought was this;

Who is this Santa Claus guy anyway?

I was in the grocery store when the thought hit me, assaulted even there on every direction by candycane striped objects, pervasive holiday music, and reindeer shaped turkey loafs. And of course Santa, in every guise imaginable and on the covers of magazines, bags of candy, and half life-sized cardboard cut outs. Just let it be known, my gayness does not approve of the last item as a decorative accessory, please do not buy them.

Finding the history of the venerable Mr. Claus is easy enough, just go here. My concern was more a philosophical one, with an emphasis on Concern.

It has been suggested that Santa is in fact omniscient. He knows things he should not be able to know. He was not there when you were nice or when you were naughty, or in those cases when you were both nice AND naughty at the same time (the doors were locked, the bedroom door was closed, and the lights were on, I'm pretty sure there was no one else in the room, and the video camera does not count.) How does he KNOW about your niceness or naughtiness? Omniscience is the only answer as to how he could know these things. This worries me, as I'm not so keen on people spying on me, especially fat old white men, who as a group have a history of making bad judgments with such information. But, his knowledge seems to have limitations. He only seems to have knowledge of some vague moral judgment about your behavior, it is not even clear that he knows what you DID to be nice or naughty. It also doesn't seem to include knowledge about non nice/naughty things, like the name of the book I am currently reading or what I had for dinner last night, unless I had Leg of Neighbor, which I think would go in the naughty category.

So, omniscient, no. A bit overly judgmental? It would seem so, yes.

The word omniscient always brings to mind the word omnipotent, which always brings to my mind the word impotent, and I find the thought of an omnipotent impotent Santa amusing, and I giggle.

But I digress.

Is he omnipotent? Hardly. He makes toys and flies them around to everyone in the world in one night. Impressive, without a doubt, but hardly all powerful. If he was omnipotent I don't think he'd bother with all the sleigh and reindeer crap, he could just will the presents to appear at your house without all the fuss of strapping the unruly creatures in or dealing with that drunk, Rudolph (perpetually red nose. Case closed). Speaking of Rudolph, an omnipotent Santa would hardly have had to worry so much about the damn fog.

To get even heavier, is Santa some fourth incarnation of God? God, Jesus, the Holy Ghost.... and Santa? He seems to be related to the others in his supposed spirit of giving and by calendar date. He seems to add a new festive element to them all, his addition to the Trinity could be a welcome one to the otherwise stogdy and musty old world three-some. Would that make it a Quadrinity? Dictionary.com says it would be "Quaternity", which I don't like nearly as much as either Quadrinity or Trinity, so I think we should abandon the God-As-Four-Guys theory. Plus the obvious animosity between Jesus and Santa shown to exist in numerous episodes of South Park is evidence enough for me of their mutually shared and understandable hatred for one another.

Santa. S-A-N-T-A. Take the T and switch it with the N. Now switch the last A with the N. S-A-T-A-N. Hmmm, there may be something here. Is Santa in fact just an anagram for the Dark Lord himself? Is he really just here to subvert the minds of our beloved children, turning them all to a life of evil sin? Greed perhaps? Gluttony maybe? Are the trampling of people in the aisles of Wall Mart and Target all part of his evil plan to spread his nefarious ways amongst us? While I find conspiracy theories entertaining for a short while, I bore of them quickly. They usually smack of a cop-out, and the idea of Satan is the biggest cop-out of them all. So let the idea of Santa-as-Satan go the way of the government Black Helicopters and the De Vinci Code, and let's move on to better things.

Maybe Santa is a hot daddy bear, or more accurately a hot daddy polar bear. This thought would make many a man I know weak in the knees, but not so much for me. I like them a little younger and a little trimmer. I have no need for a gym-god body, but he just looks unhealthy. But, he seems to keep truckin' along though, without fear of heart attack or stroke, so I guess it's working for him. And there's that whole Mrs. Claus thing.... maybe she's just a beard, but I doubt it. Then again, maybe he has a thing for short guys... that would explain the elves... Bah, whatever, or whoever, he does in his spare time is no concern of mine. Just as long as he stays away from the Reindeer, that's just kind of gross.

Is Santa a figment of our imaginations? And here I had to pause, half way across the parking structure, grocery bags in hand. Could it be that Santa is in fact only a farcical tale about a fat man in a red suit here to reward or punish my behavior by some system of ambiguous moral evaluation? Could it be that he is but a tool to make me spend more money on things that people don't need and on items that will go out of style at 12:01 A.M on Dec. 26th? Could it all just be a ploy to socialize me and everyone else in the world into a Judeo-Christian Capitalistic Consumer Frenzied Automaton? Do I really want to be this bitter and jaded at 27 years old??

Bitter and jaded is bad, I don't care to be those things. So Santa can be who ever the hell he wants, or what other people want him to be, I just love having a time of year to give stuff to the people I love, stuff of my choosing or making (Santa's not the only one with a workshop damnit!), and all the crassness and ridiculousness of this holiday season can just be an annoying buzz in the background, like a mosquito in the other room.

So Happy Holidays!! (fuck you Bill O-Reilly, you ain't getting a Chrissymas greeting out of me, I intend to include ALL people this season!), I hope you all get everything you want and desire this year. Ho Ho Ho!

Human Reality of Homosexuality

So a tragedy of epic proportions was leveled at the Seattle gay community today. On this, the 9th of December, the movie "Brokeback Mountain" DID NOT OPEN here. It seems that it has only opened in New York and L.A., those cities of decadence who just get everything. There will be no viewing of Jake-on-Heath lovin' for this homo or any others in this city. We will have to wait for yet another agonizing week for our chance to witness the greatness, and the hotness, of this movie. For some, the wait may just be too much....

Ok, so that's all overly dramatic, but I'm gay and I spend too much time with drag queens, it can't be helped sometimes. But I am a bit pissed. This movie is generating all sorts of Oscar buzz, and it's only getting a limited release. And I want to see it. Don't they know that I want to see it?!? But I will rant no more on that topic, something else has got me riled up.

I play a particular game online. It will remain nameless, it's identity is inconsequential. Suffice to say that on said game there is a "gay guild" and there is constant gay banter floating up the screen as you play this game. I voiced my displeasure about the movie not opening here this morning and was more than a little surprised by the response.

Some commiserated and wanted to see it too, but could not since it was not opening in their locations either. We joked about whether Jake was hotter or Heath, and all was good. Then the comment was made that an interview given by Heath Ledger was seen where he said that having to kiss another man nearly made him puke. I have not substantiated this as fact or fiction, yet, and it is ultimately beside the point. When I stated that I found that degrading and insulting to gays I was shocked by the response. People came out of the woodwork to defend Heath's statement. Comments such as "Well it would nearly make me puke to have to kiss a woman like that!!" or "He's just an actor!! If he has to say that to prove his masculinity that's ok!!" or "It's ok if you don't like homosexuals, it's your right to have your opinion and to state that opinion".

Now all of those comments I would expect from any number of right wing groups (just exchange "woman" for "man" in the first one), but coming from a big group of homos I was disturbed. Especially by the last statement. If it's my opinion that kissing a black person or a Jew makes me want to puke, few people would jump to my defense, unless there are KKK members floating around at the time. To actually have gays defend a comment like that is horrifying, and goes to show us all the pervasive quality of anti-homosexual rhetoric and thought. It even makes US think we don't deserve respect.

I got into a small argument with my mother a few weeks ago. She off-handedly said that seeing two men kiss made her feel uncomfortable. She claims to not have a problem with my being gay, or anyone being gay, so I was surprised by that statement. I told her I was surprised, and asked why she still had a problem with gays. She said she didn't have any problem, it just made her uncomfortable. "If you don't have any problem with gays," I replied, "you wouldn't mind seeing them kiss." She got upset, but we ended up having a very good conversation about the entire topic.

The fact is that I can see exactly where she's coming from. It was a shock to her life when I came out to her, she had never known a gay person in her life and had never had to deal with the prejudice that had seeped into her through osmosis by just living in this world. She has done a wonderful job of accepting and even embracing me and the whole notion of homos, but this thing still lingered. That it lingered is one thing, it proves how insidious these feelings are. That she tried to claim it was ok and in step with her acceptance of me and gays in general is another.

We rationalize away our prejudices more often than we know. We don't even realize what we're doing until confronted with the fact, and even then it is sometimes not enough. Opinions are the right of every person, certainly, but that doesn't mean that your opinion are RIGHT. For Heath Ledger to say (allegedly, and I hope he didn't because I want to like him) on a mass media circuit that kissing another man nearly made him puke is not going to be helpful to a group of people fighting for acceptance. To think it has no negative effect is naive, and to claim that "making this movie was a huge step, he can say what he wants!" is irresponsible. To have those comments coming from the very group of people it would be harming is terrifying.

I heard a great comment on the radio from the lawyer for Jim West, Spokane's recently recalled gay mayor (another story all together). He said the people out for West's blood were people who could not accept this "human reality of homosexuality". While this begs all sorts of statements about West's situation and West himself, I think that statement is the best summation of the issue I have ever heard.

The reality is that we're not going anywhere, we're not deviants, we deserve respect, we shouldn't make people want to puke, , we should be able to live and love without prejudice we should not have to have this discussion at all. And we especially shouldn't have to have this discussion with ourselves.

Added note: Here is a statment by Jake Gyllenhaal. "I’ve never really been attracted to men sexually, but I don’t think I would be afraid of it if it happened.” Now THAT'S a statment I can get behind! So to speak....

Snow!

For any of you that have not received a text message, phone call, or e-mail from me to alert you to this fact, it's snowing in Seattle. This seems to me to be poof that something big is about to happen Something like Lions and Sheep learning to love one another, Gays suddenly being urged by the Religious Right to marry, or Dubya learning to speak English and then actually saying something intelligent. It is a sign.

Hell has Frozen Over. Something big is about to happen. Wait by your phones.

Just a thought....

So I'm a man of the 21st century, I'm technologically adept, I get my news from the web (and the Daily Show of course), and I even maintain a blog, as you can see. I love advances that allow all people to live more happily, live more full lives, participating in the world around them. I support this!!

I have heard for that last few years complaints from news organizations that getting one's news from the "blogsphere" is dangerous, since anyone can post anything they want to as fact, there's no checking of information or sources, and generally people throw up subjective crap all the time, in an attempt to further their own position or just out of naivete. This problem of course extends to the musings on personal web logs as well they say. I agreed with this statement as it is sound in logic and stands to reason, but I had never experienced first hand the phenomena.

I will name no names, I will take prisoners and not tell where they are, my lips are sealed, but suffice to say that in the past few days of perusing some blogs I have been a bit horrified. The arm-chair referee has given way in this century to the computer-chair scholar, dispensing lessons and advice about all sorts of topics they don't have the capacity to tackle. I have been reading with my jaw on the ground all morning, and something must be said.

I am in education for a living, and while I may be teaching "just" music lessons I am interested in education as a whole. A good free public education in this country is truly one of the things that has made it so great. The fact that support for that education system has been waning in recent decades is made oh too evident by much of the material floating the blogsphere, and the drivel unceasingly dripping from the mouth of our President (our PRESIDENT people!!!! who voted for this man?!?).

Listen to me. To be uneducated is not a good thing, no matter how you spin it. You are a valid and lovely human being, without a doubt, but it is not a good thing. We complain that people are "ignorant" when they hold beliefs that reason dictates are ridiculous, like say "gay people are of the devil and are destroying the moral fiber of this country". We can get away with complaining of that persons ignorance in that case, there is support from all us homos backing up the fact. But it is a dangerous game making the claim that someone else is stupid for something they say, they offend quickly and often become violent, and many times there is no group to support you any more.

But I am making that claim, right here, right now. People, we are being stupid. We're acting like idiots, we are allowing ourselves to remain uneducated and are making decisions that are bad. We are all products of our environments, without a doubt, and this country is letting us down in many ways. I am doing my part to help that, or at least I'll die trying. But we are also self-sufficient individuals, adults who can make decisions on our own. Pick up a book. Take a class. Start with the assumption that you know nothing, and then LEARN. Blathering idiocy has no place in the oval office, it has no place anywhere. Support your local schools, support your teachers, support your students. The world depends on it.

Would you like a charger with that?

I had a thought today, and it has me bothered. I am applying for graduate school conducting programs, and I must say this is not a fun thing to do. I'm applying to music conservatories, there are not a lot of good ones, and there are about 300 times more people applying than there are spots available. As any economist will tell you, that unfortunately takes the power out of the hands of the buyer (me) and puts it into the hands of the seller (The Big Music Schools). Supply and demand, and there's too much demand.

This has me worried, for a couple of reasons. First of all I don't like having to convince people that I'm worth their trouble. If they need convincing then I usually feel like they've already made up their mind about me and any more effort on my part would merely be shameful and fruitless ass kissing. While I'm all for many forms of ass kissing, the figurative version is not one I do.

Second is the fact that I have issues asking for more than I feel I deserve. Many of these schools, as with many other institutions in this country, are waiting for some of their prospective candidates to run up to them, do the aforementioned ass kissing for awhile, before they start politicing their way into the hearts and minds of those in power. I am not quite that type of person. I will send in my letter of introduction, my application, answer all questions leveled at me honestly and candidly, and wait for the system to do it's job, which is to provide a fair and balanced assertation of my qualifications as compared to, say, Suzi Wong from Manitoba who wants the same position as I do.

Perhaps I am too timid in all this. I don't demand too much for myself. I take what is given to me, if it is fair I am happy, if it's not fair I complain. A recent story to illustrate my point: I go into Verizon to get a new cell phone, where I must then buy a new charger, a car charger, and am offered about $100 more in other options, which I don't need, can't afford, but wouldn't mind having, but can't afford. While I am handing the clerk my debit card some smartly dressed woman also buying a new cell phone leads her sales rep to the "Wall O' Accessories" and says in a slightly jovial, but deadly serious voice "So, if I'm going to buy this phone from you, what are you going to give me for free?". Her clerk hands her a charger, a car charger, and about $100 more in other options, just as my clerk hands me back my now empty debit card.

Some may say, "Well get some balls man!! Ask and ye shall receive!! They're a big greedy company anyway, just there to take your money!! Get something out of them too!!" While this argument holds some appeal to me, since they are big and greedy, there to take my money, and I do want to get something more out of them, I can't quite make myself step over that line. That line that makes me in the end look just like them; like a big greedy consumer, out for all the free crap I can get, where I can stick it to them whenever I can. Where fairness is no longer the goal, where morality and subjectivity are indissoluble, and where my humanity is measured mainly by the amount still remaining on my debit card.

It is at this point that I look for solace in Karma, that cosmic righter of all wrongs. Perhaps that woman will be in a tragically ironic car accident while trying to plug in her new cell phone with her new free car charger, where she will be fine (I wouldn't wish bodily harm on anyone. Well.. there are a few people..) but her BMW will be wrecked and no one will give her a free one, and she will have to sell off her yacht to someone who low-balls her on it, and she realizes the error of her ways and founds the New Harvard School of Socially Responsible Economics, thus ushering in a new golden age of fiscal responsibility, fairness, and humanity.

I often dream big, but those dreams don't usually include the joy of me getting free crap from Verizon. Perhaps that where I'm going wrong...

Applying for graduate school is turning out much the same. I write to them in humility, imagining a level headed and fair response back to my inquiries. Something like, "Thank you for your interest, here is what we offer, here is what we would like you to do, here is what else we would like to know about you." Instead I have gotten this answer, "We are highly competitive here, our programs are for professionals, it's hard here." At this point Suzi may write back and say, "Wonderful! I'm a highly competitive person who loves being pitted against my fellow musicians in To-The-Death play offs. I love how condescending your second statement was, it will certainly drive off all those you deem to be "non-professional"!! I love hard things!!"

While I agree with her on point three, I'm not quite ready to state the other points. I'm not a wildly competitive person, and I didn't love the condescending second remark. I am a professional, I explained that in my introduction letter. Is teaching music full time not professional enough? Hmmm...

I tend to over think things ("Duh," you say, having read this far), and that is probably the case here. Everything will turn out as it will, I will do my end of the work, they will do theirs. I will stick to my morals, I will stick to respect for myself and these institutions. I will leave my fate up to Karma, and hope that perhaps Suzi decides accounting is really more her speed than music. Maybe she can get a job with Verizon, where she can then try to figure out why they're loosing so much money on their accessories...

To boldly go where no man and vulcan have gone before.

This just cracked me up and I needed to share.

All-Ages Kirk/Spock Archive

Everyone deserves love. Hopefully the Federation will allow them to marry.

There are worse things I could do....

Not often do I get days during the week where I have no obligations, where there isn't some lesson to teach or a party to schlep out show tunes for or a concert to hack my way through. Weekends are not imune either. Even two hours of work in a day requires a complete restructuring of plans, making sure that lunch with the friends you haven't seen in weeks doesn't run long or that you make it to the gym with enough time to actually break a sweat before you have to dash off to check on Becky's scales.

Today I had a real day off.

I will not go into how my day began, but suffice to say a certain friend on a certain Pacific Island and I have a strikingly similar way in which we think a day off like this should begin, and it did.

I then drug a hung over local friend of mine out for a delightful jaunt to HomoDepot for project supplies, then to Costco, aka Gay Bulk Mecca, where I purchased two huge and fabulous coffee table books, "Neoclassicism and Romanticism", and "Art of East Asia". And cheese. One must buy cheese at Costco. I think they must have the cow in the back churning out the stuff, the price is so low. After another hardware store trip for more fun supplies it was back home to blow things up for a bit and then take a little nap.

And then the fun began. The same friend from the prior shopping festivities was having a few people over for dinner, and I was invited along. We had stew that would have made Julia Childs chortle with delight, and enough wine to make her roar with approval. As I was sat, doubled over with laughter at the tales told at the dinner table, I was reminded why it's just too damn fabulous to be gay. We, as a people, can take just about any event in our lives and spin it into a fantastic tale of epic proportion over a few glasses of tasteful booze, and make even the most horrifying life-event into comedy the likes of which you've never experienced before in your life. I don't know if my tummy hurts now from too much food, too much wine, or too much laughing, but it was all fucking great.

Oh but it doesn't end there. Our host for the evening has a new favorite bar, the Crescent (pronounced cre-SAUnt of course, it's FRENCH!!!). The Crescent is, by all definitions, a dive bar, where the number of teeth in the heads is easily out-numbered by the cigarettes hanging from lips. It was Karaoke night tonight, and the microphone was presided over a drag queen that was the spitting image of the 50-year-old, male version of Blair from Facts of life. Just ponder that for a moment....

We all sang, including myself, who feels much more comfortable making music at a big stringed box instead of at a microphone. I sang "Hello Again" by Neil Diamond, the greatest of all booty call songs (listen to it, you'll know I'm right) and even got up to do a second song "There are worse things I could do..." from Grease, who's second line "..than go with a boy, or two" makes it all worth it. The bar was an indescribable mix of people, from the middle aged woman who had decided that shaving her head today would be a really good look (she sang "Friends in Low Places") to the duet of the wife-beater wearing straight guy and the homo who's trucker cap read "FUCK" in giant letters, to the pretty bartender-ess who served everyone like they were her family with a huge smile.

We're a crazy bunch, us gays. We'll take in anyone. Give us your tired, your poor, your huddled masses. Your motivated, your rich, your rugged individualists. We come in all shapes and sizes, with every problem and joy in life. And we'll all get together on a Sunday night and sing terribly into a battered mic and not care a wit about any of it, and drink and laugh until we stumble home to write silly blogs. We may joke, we may bitch, but we're all in it together, shaved heads and toothless grins aside. The straights breed, which we certainly need to replenish our numbers, and a they do a multitude of other glorious things, but do they ever get together for nights such as this? Bless their hearts, but I'm not so sure they do.

So yay for the straights, but Fuck Yeah! for the gays.

Halloween in Baghdad

A short, funny, and perhaps slightly terrifying Halloween story for you all out there. There are sorority girls involved, so the weak of constitution should perhaps move on to the next blog.

This past Saturday night was Adult Halloween. More specifically Gay Adult Halloween. We don't go door to door for candy (well, figuratively speaking perhaps, but that's beside the point) we go bar to bar for booze, and that always works out better on a Saturday night, as opposed to a Monday night, AKA this year's Kiddy Halloween. My Scary Gay Halloween started in an elevator.

I was on my way home from picking up last minute supplies for my costume and stepped into the shopping center parking garage elevator with two 20-ish, blond, dressed to the hilt, Paris Hilton-meets-Britney Spears sorority girls. There are 6 levels to this particular parking garage. Since numbers are no longer adequate to remember the floor you came from, they also color code them, name each level after a major world city, along with a picture representative of each location. The first level is Seattle, the next Hong Kong, etc etc down to Bangkok and Sydney. If you can't at this point find your level I think you are then considered too stupid to operate your car and it is confiscated, or if that's not the policy then it should be.

I was headed to Bangkok and the Girls where headed to Sydney. The discussion started even before the doors had closed, and went something like this.

Girl #1 "Sydney is cool, I wish I were there right now"

Girl #2 "Yeah"

#1 "It's way cooler than all these other ghetto places", gesturing to the other locations listed by the buttons. I am at this point just about to step out onto my floor, 5/Orange/Bangkok/Thai Buddha Statue Picture.


#2 "Yeah, totally. Bangkok.... isn't that where they've been dropping all the bombs in Iraq?"

I literally choke with laughter as I'm stepping off the elevator, reeling from what I've just heard.

#1 "Uh...", now confused, "I think that's Baghdad...." As the full force of this exchange hits me I double over laughing hysterically, the doors slide shut behind me, the girls still debating where the bombs are landing. I'm not sure that they even realized why I was laughing. I laughed until I nearly cried.

It was Straight Adult Halloween for the most part that night as well, perhaps they were just dressed up as Colossally Stupid and Achingly Slow for their costumes... but I somehow doubt it.

I want an umpa lumpa NOW daddy!!

I think most of us can agree that "reality" TV is a scourge upon our airwaves, with its contrived scenarios and crass drama based on the mixing of carefully selected bags of neurosis and emotional instabilities. There's little that is real about it, or perhaps what is truly scary is that in reality that is what we truly have become. I'd like to not believe that last though, so I avoid Unreality TV like the black death.

That being said, I have a confession. I have a guilty pleasure and I'm not ashamed to admit it (well, a little ashamed...). There is a subgenre of reality TV shows that I adore, that I seek out when I have the time and inclination, that I sit giddily to watch, not moving from the comfort of my couch for anything short of fire or Jake Gyllenhaal at my door.

I can't get enough "Supper Nanny" and "Nanny 911".

But let me tell you why.

As I have said before, I teach the music to the kids, in the form of private piano and clarinet lessons. I see about 45 of them each week, my youngest being 5 years old, through high school age, and a few adult students. I have a vested interest in their abilities to pay attention, to behave, to be intelligent and respectful little humans, and they are so very very often deeply lacking in all of these things. I find myself, at the ripe old age of 27 often saying to myself, and to others, "Kids these days...." It's sad, it makes me feel like a crotchety 80 year old.

But I implore you to watch a few episodes of one of these Nanny shows (either will do, they're nearly identical) and you may be singing the same tune. On one recent episode we all got to witness the kids of one family scream at, bite and then spit on(!) their mother as she tried to discipline them for their ridiculous behavior. The look on the Nanny 911's face was priceless; abject horror.

The Nannies stay for one week, trying to get the family back into shape, a feat which in the first 10 minutes of the show seems will certainly require divine intervention, or kiddy electro shock therapy. But the Nannies weave their magic of set boundaries, consistent discipline, and parent/child communication and always by the end of the week the kids have morphed from rabid pack animals out for blood and candy, to loving, respectful little human creatures. It's a sight to see, and it makes me want to hire one of these chicks to follow me around to my lessons for 2-3 weeks.

But I have made an error. So far I have made it seem as though "kids these days" are somehow flawed, that something has changed and the kiddies being squeezed out pop into this world in some way broken and incapable of paying attention or behaving. This is not the case. Kids are generally as they have always been, 90% a clean slate for their environment to write upon it what it will, 10% genes they can't avoid. That environment consists almost complete of their parents of course, and here we come to the crux of it. The Nannies work with the kids, but they work mostly with the parents. Never have I seen a show where it wasn't quite clear that the problems these kids are having stem directly from something insane the parents are doing, and never have I had a demonic student who didn't have Succubus and Satan for Mommy and Daddy.

I have a devious plan (as I usually do) to fix this crisis of Dirty Devil Children. When I become Commander of All Things, a roll I will assume in a few years I hope, after I pay off my credit cards and do some traveling, representative and informative episodes of Super Nanny 911 will be required viewing for all pregnant people and their partners. For after spawning, there will be troops of Super Nannies to follow up on you, a real 911 Nanny Help Line for you to call, and all through the land there will be happy and respectful children, not spitting and biting hellions. Parents everywhere will grow kids of quality again, like prize heirloom tomatoes, who will cure cancer and run for political office, and usher in a golden age of existence, all because of some English Nannies and their Naughty Circle.

And this music teacher will be a happy, contented man, who can say "Kids these days" with a smile instead of a groan.

Philosophy 101

Many claimed that I must be crazy, and I even thought I must have lost it a bit, but I chose to go to college in Montana. Not only did I go to college in Montana, but I left another college in western Washington, a lovely liberal, highly rated college in beautiful Bellingham, smack between both Vancouver, B.C., and Seattle. I had a good group of friends there and I could walk around holding hands with another boy without fear of death by bludgeoning. But unfortunately there were also two sadistic piano teachers there, who had managed in one year to nearly kill my love of music all together, and after the second year there I had quit playing the piano and needed quite badly to leave, lest I give up 15 years of training and change my major to natural resource management and move to the wilderness, never to be seen by human kind again. So I went to Montana (perhaps ironicly given the last statement..), where the sky is big and the teachers are fabulous. And where I also learned that I could walk down the street holding hands with my boyfriend and not be killed, and that while yes two lesbians did have their house burnt down while I was there, the community was very upset about it. Ok, so damming by faint praise, yes, but faint praise is better than none at all. For example, Mississippi. You will not hear me praise Mississippi. ...................... See? silence....

There are a few other things I learned in Montana (tipping cows is not possible, they do wake up and then run. If you're lucky they run away from you). One of the best classes I took in all my years at either university was one called Great Traditions, to appease my Ethics requirement. It was less Ethics and more Philosophy though, and was taught by the great Fred McGlynn, who even while battling lung cancer refused to stop smoking, and with him you just had to respect that. In a nut shell this is what the class was about; each great philosopher in history comes up with some unifying reason for doing things, not quite a meaning of life type reason, but some direction giving idea that all their other thoughts fit into. We looked at four such greats, Aristotle, Emanuel Kant, John Stewart Mill, and Friedrich Nietzsche. I have no desire to re-live the entire class for you, nor could I do it or these four guys justice, but here is a brief rundown of what I took from it, and at the end there may even be a good point to it all! Keep reading.....

Aristotle was all about Virtue, with a capitol V. How do we live a virtuous life? What exactly are the virtues? How does good and bad fit in there? He spent quite a bit of time trying to figure all that out, and in the end had quite a few profound thoughts. But unfortunately it all ended up being very subjective and requires a hell of a lot of control on the part of humanity. I think we all know that is not one of humanity's stronger qualities. So we move on, with the ideal of virtue on our minds.

"I Kant understand..." The comic lament of the philosophy student. I like puns, so I giggle too, but more because it's so very very true. Kant was German, and he liked long complex sentences that go on and on and refer back to antecedents that are unrecognizable by the philosophy student or perhaps even to Kant himself and when it is all said and done he has not quite made a point and you wonder why you are reading this crap anymore because the German language seems to have neglected to include periods and this, oh great fellow Germans, is the meaning of life. You get my point. But if you can get through it all you find out this; Duty is why it's all done, Duty is what keeps us on the straight and narrow, Duty is what will get us through it all. "Do your Duty" because it's the reason we're all here. Shirk that Duty and thumb your nose at the reason for your existance. While the guilt of that notion does work for awhile, I think we all see the problem. When someone requires that we do our duty, we usually resent it, guilt aside, whether we agreed with them in the first place or not. That proves to be problematic. To his credit Kant also said this little thing about "Treat all humans as ends in and of themselves, and never as a means to and end". So, Duty, not so much. The other thing? I like it.

If you have ever wondered where the idea of "The greatest good for the greatest number of people" comes from, it's John Stewart Mill, the father of Utilitarianism (not Spock, sorry). And in that ism is Mill's defining ideal; Utility. What purpose does it serve? What purpose do YOU serve? If it, or you, serves no purpose, then it's not worth your time. Is it more ultilitarianistic to help that one person over there being eaten by a hungry lion, or to protect these 30 people from maybe possibly being eaten by that hungry lion? John would say the latter, the guy getting eaten may disagree, and quite quickly we have come up with the problem with John. While the greater number may need to be happy and not be eaten by lions, the individual counts too, and while utility is great, masturbation of all sorts is great too, whether it serves a purpose in the end or not (the inherent utility of masturbation aside of course :) ).

Finally in our tour of great minds and their interesting little ideas we get to Nietzsche, the philosopher with the most unused consonants in his name, and in my opinion the best little ideas I've read thus far. Nietzsche was a critic, and a critic with a sense of humor. He had no problem attacking other philosophers throughout history with quite witty and brilliantly scathing remarks, often so wonderfully worded that you either had no idea what he had just said or thought you had just been complimented. In other words, he was a drag queen, and for that we love him. But more important than his critique of silly thoughts was his own philosophy, which revolved around this idea; creation. That which brings the most meaning, the most happiness to our lives is creation and creativity. Creation exists in so many forms, from the creation of works of art, to a document at work, to a delectable souffle, to the creation of a loving and beautiful home. We are creatures that desire above all to create, and when we do we are the most happy.

He was also pretty keen on life being about living, not about death or some silly "afterlife". He was not a church going man.

I went to Dr. McGlynn's class every day, and loved every second of it. He was a great teacher and the material was amazing to me. Above all Neitzsche spoke to me. Finally someone who without hesitation placed creation at the top of human existence and could back it up with a witty remark. I was still in serious doubt of my commitment to music and the arts, not because I myself had any doubt of their profound merit and the need of humanity for them, but because I thought I was alone in thinking them that important. Music does not sound near so sweet without someone to share the sound with. It was a turning point for me, along with hearing the song "How can I keep from singing" as sung by, of all people, my lovely piano professor in recital. I knew at that point I would spend the rest of my life in the arts and in trying to help as many people as possible experience their beauty and importance. There is nothing more truly human than art. Monkeys use tools, dolphins can do math, only we create art, out of only a need to express that which is inexpressible in each of us, and I love that.

So when I find other people creating wonderful, beautiful things in the world, I love it, and I want them to know I love it. And if one needs any more proof of how important creation is to us all, sincerely compliment someone on their creation and watch them beam, and rightly so. For both people, nothing in life feels better.

It comes, it goes...

I live within strong spitting distance of the richest man on earth. I could throw a rock and hit any number of other people that man has also made very rich. This city's (and many many other's at this point) obsession with coffee has made another bunch of people quite flush with cash. I've even served hors d'oeuvres and cocktails in some of their houses as a member of the Gay National Guard. As a member of that esteemed brotherhood of mens, I have catered in decadent houses that would amaze and astound, and feed a third world nation for a year.

While serving food to these people is fun and mildly demeaning, and who doesn't love that, it's not what I do for a living. I teach the music to the kids, more specifically the piano and the clarinet to the lovely children of the 21st century. While I will avoid a diatribe on the qualities of the 21st century child I will say this; attention spans of fruit flies. I think I may soon try strapping a TV to my head and playing hi octane instructional classical music videos (don't laugh) whilst spinning plates from my finger tips and shooting smoke out my ass. Perhaps that will get them to practice. But I digress. I teach the kids the music, and they hand me checks, which I have to say has been one of the nicest parts of the deal this past week, and let me tell you why.

Summers are slow, the some kids take the summer off, some quit all together, and generally there just isn't much money coming in. So, by September of this year I was poor. Not in the way that the smelly guy down on the corner is poor, or the way that that large black woman pulled out through the roof of her home in New Orleans 3 days late was poor, but unable to buy groceries without borrowing money from my friends poor. I have no desire to turn this into some pity party, so no pitying comments, it wasn't that bad.

But it did suck. I was stressed out of my mind as bills kept arriving, as the bank account started to overdraw, and my belly started to rumble (on the brighter side I think I lost a few pounds....). I've known that type of stress a number of times in the last few years, music lessons are not a wealth building proposition, but it's been awhile and I had forgotten how much it sucks. When broke I have no motivation to do anything at all, not even to clean my room, because all I'm thinking about is when the next check will appear and I can get back to my life. Everything goes on hold and even the more fun things in life become stale and loose their draw.

But now I'm through that, my students, who for just this week I love more than my mother, have all given me their parents' money and things will be fine again until next summer. But I couldn't help but sit back and look over the whole situation and be a little embittered by it all, socialist that I am. Waiting on the rich and not so fabulous right in the middle of it all didn't help, certainly, as their income in one day is more than I make in a year (not an exaggeration, if anything it's an understatement, which is crazy to me). But I have an even greater appreciation for the poor, especially the working poor, who's numbers are growing horrifyingly in this country. The stress on ones life is immense, and if my experience is anything like that of other peoples', the energy and desire to make your situation better is perhaps the hardest thing to come by. It's wildly demoralizing and downright angering when some prick drives by in his BMW and throws a McDonald's wrapper out the window while you're walking home with top ramen and plain lettuce.

While unfortunately one can't get it without (perhaps ironically) paying some cash, I recommend checking out Stephen Bezruchka's presentation on Health and Wealth, broadcast on Alternative Radio on NPR (http://www.alternativeradio.org/). Perhaps you can catch it on a broadcast. In a nutshell he says that the lack of "caring and sharing" (while kind of silly sounding he explains it well) and the gap in wealth is making us continuously more unhealthy (we're 29th in the world for developed nations). And, surprisingly, the rich are more adversely effected than the poor. They statistically die earlier because they're wealthy, which is a wee bit poetic. Dark, but poetic.

At the next event I cater I plan on passing out small cards that tell the patrons that their wealth is killing them. That there are documented scientific studies that show having more money than everyone else is eating them alive and that there is only one remedy. My address will then follow, "cash only please". If I get enough I'll share with those for whom I care. Make up your wish lists now.

Hello, my name is Sean, and I'm a Socialist.

Found this to be fun, let's see what everyone else is, eh?

You are a Social Liberal (70% permissive) and an... Economic Liberal (16% permissive) You are best described as a: SocialistYou exhibit a very well-developed sense of Right and Wrong and believe in economic fairness. Link: The Politics Test on Ok Cupid

"Everybody gets a man! Everybody get a man!"

A must read for all you bloggers in the bloggesphere (wipe your nose dear, you've got a dangler....)

Oprah Stuns Audience With Free Man Giveaway

Oh Oprah, how you've changed the Amer-I-Can! landscape and reshaped women of today with your depth of humanity, and pocket book. Speaking of pocket books, mammy needs a new car, please send ASAP.

Quotes

I began collecting quotes a while back, here are a few I like.

Nihilism
At some point every intelligent, self aware mind becomes a nihilist. At that point you either kill yourself or you get over it.

NPR interview with some right wing nut job
"Married liberals have a lower birth rate because they abort their babies."

my friend Michael
"You’re just jealous ‘cause the voices only talk to me"

from the movie "Saved!"
"I know what you’re looking at Mary, and so does Jesus"

my friend Kevin
"There are so many beautiful and wonderful things out there right now. They just don’t necessarily have anything to do with people."

From The Doors of Perception, by Aldous Huxley
"Most island universes are sufficiently like one another to permit of referential understanding or even of mutual empathy or "feeling into." Thus remembering our own bereavements and humiliations, we can condole with others in analogous circumstances, can put ourselves (always, of course, in a slightly Pickwickian sense) in their places. But in certain cases communication between universes is incomplete or even nonexistent. The mind is its own place, and the places inhabited by the insane and the exceptionally gifted are so different from the places where ordinary men and women live, that there is little or no common ground of memory to serve as a basis for understanding or fellow feeling. Words are uttered, but fail to enlighten. The things and events to which the symbols refer belong to mutually exclusive realms of experience."

From the preface to Hegel’s first book
"Nothing is easier than to judge what has substance and quality; to comprehend it is harder; and what is hardest is to combine both functions and produce an account of it."

Nietzsche, Ecce Homo, II 1
"It is a matter of course with me, from instinct. I am too inquisitive, too questionable, too exuberant to stand for any gross answer. God is a gross answer, an indelicacy against us thinkers - at bottom merely a gross prohibition for us: you shall not think!"

Peter Mack
"Spilling your guts is as attractive as it sounds."

William F Buckley Jr.
"I would like to take you seriously, but to do so would affront your intelligence."
"Idealism is fine, but as it approaches reality, the costs become prohibitive."

Frank Zappa
Some scientists claim that hydrogen, because it is so plentiful, is the basic building block of the universe. I dispute that. I say there is more stupidity than hydrogen, and that is the basic building block of the universe.

The West Wing
"You’re demons are shouting down your better angels"

Tanqueray commercial
"It’s no coincidence that the fist letter in Martini is "Mmmmmmmm!!"

Sibil’s psychiatrist
"Tell her it’s perfectly ok to think about killing herself, but could she please just wait until I get there"

Albert Einstein, 1954 "This I Believe" essay
"I sense that it is not the State that has intrinsic value in the machinery of humankind, but rather the creative, feeling individual -- the personality alone that creates the noble and sublime."